October 2010
53 posts
Tonight
I’m going to go get scared with Colby.
Well, next to him cause he won’t get scared. Ha ha.
I Want
To be important.
Maybe then I’d do important things.
This Happens Too Much
I'm selling gasoline, not my phone number.
Him: Are you single?
Me: No.
Him: Are you taken?
Me: .....Yeah.
Him: So you're taken?
Me: YES.
Him: Oh, have a nice day.
Me: You too.
Is that why you pressed "pay at window?"
I need to wear a ring. Or put up a sign.
I'm So Tired
No song compares to this one. It’s...
Every Year November Gets Colder
I saw a woman at the gas station today. She was really friendly. She paid me, and walked over to her car where she gathered the snow from her windshield and playfully threw it at each of her kids’ windows. They were laughing and having a good time doing so. I caught my reflection in the glass and realized the huge smile I had on my face.
And then it faded.
Because when I see things like...
Job Description
So today was my first full shift working in the fuel center.
I learned a lot.
You think customers inside the store are mean? The ones out here are worse.
It’s either busy, or you’ll spend a couple hours doing nothing. You can only clean so many windows— so many times.
It’s fun having control over six intercoms.
You need to find ways to amuse yourself. Which brings me...
“Death is a lie that threatens my everything.”
– The Consequence of Dreams, NBR
November 2nd.
Update On Work Related Things:)
Things are starting to look up.
I don’t expect anything to be easy, though. But I do expect more out of myself, as far as staying positive goes. I avoided the need for medication again, because I can do this with Him by my side. I’m always looking to the sky now.
The band is picking up and we’re doing really well. The communication is so much better this time, and these boys...
I’m expecting a flood of contention, but I really do hope you understand and do not look down upon my decisions. I support you no matter what, and you tell me the same. I hope that it’s true. You may disagree with me, and you may shake your head, but I need you to be accepting because you mean a lot to me.
My Favorite Place
is in your arms.
I’m never that content anywhere else. I’d be there all day if it were possible.
I Hate This Feeling
Anxiety has set in.
And I can’t focus on my homework. I want to sleep, but I can’t because I have homework that I can’t focus on. I’m ridiculous.
Someone make this go away.
I Sang A Lot Yesterday
And I fancy a cup of tea.
Food For Thought
I want to hear profound views about beauty, love, kindness, compassion… hatred, ugliness, fear, intolerance.
I’m very intrigued by others’ points of view.
Leave me something to think about in my Ask. :)
It's Only Cute When Colby Does It
I was sitting in class today and could not concentrate due to the fact that no one else could either.
At least four of the kids in front of me were either tapping their feet or bouncing their legs, two of which were doing so at the exact same time. I thought I was going to go crazy.
And after noticing that, I focused in on all the pencil clicking too.
Ready to slap a ho.
My dad is an excellent artist. And I want him to draw out my first tattoo. I was far more amused by this idea than he was.
Me: Dad, I want you to draw my pirate tattoo.
Dad: Uh... no. Why do you want that on your body? It's not attractive.
Me: But I want it. And I want you to draw it.
Dad: A guy will like you, and when he sees THAT, he won't like you anymore.
Me: ........So?
Dad: Piercings and tattoos all over a body; do you think that's attractive?
Me: Yeah!
Dad: Is that something you'd want for YOUR kids one day?
Me: Yeah, my kid would be a hardass.
Dad: You're not a hardass! You're a punk ass!
Me: Well.... will you draw the picture anyway? XD
Craving
More piercings. And I hate it. Ha ha.
Hips and Nose probably. Gotta talk myself out of this one. Lol.
1 tag
I Decided
Not to move to California.
Maybe years down the road, but I’m hoping to find someplace in Utah to start my own life. If I move in the spring, I’ll have plenty of time to save up and what not.
Maybe I can convince someone to join me. Fingers crossed.
I’ll never forget the day that my heart fell from my chest
It was the moment that I said “goodbye” and I laid your body to rest.
I’ll never take this life for granted, I’m living it for two
And since you’re always the one who sang the songs
I’ll be singing this one for you.
People I Miss A LOT.
Tyler Blais- I miss his smile, his hugs, talking to him about anything and everything. I miss his sincere appreciation and definitely our long goodbyes. There hasn’t been a single day that I don’t sit and think about him. I was at a friends house looking at her yearbook and I came across his picture. He was the cutest ever. She asked if he was the one that had passed away, and I just...
I want you so bad.
I Found Out
Finding out isn’t the worst part..
♫ ♫ ♪
megowaffles:
My heart is yours. It’s yours, and...
He Asked How He Could Help
And the tears came rolling from my eyes.
I didn’t tell him everything. But He already knew it all.
You broke my chains, you gave me the key.
So now I bow to show you, that you are everything to me.
It's Like
I’m screaming, and no one can hear me.
There Are Times
When you just need to force yourself to do things.
I’ve been wallowing in some strange state of depression for next to NO REASON. For months. And it needs to stop. It’s no one’s responsibility to help me but my own. I’ve been making the few people I’ve got think it’s their faults I’m not happy. It’s not.
Maybe things will start going right for me,...
Tell Me Something True
Long strands of glistening hatred and pain, gathered over the course of the worst of times, are being pulled from my veins. Staring long enough to feel the temptation of death sting through my being, I fell to my knees. I may have to leave, but not this way. I haven’t come this far to fall victim to what put me here.
“If no one is taking care of you, take care of yourself.”
...
Tyler
My fingers are crossed. My eyes are to the sky. And I hope I can pull this off.
A Shot To End This All
There’s nothing worse than losing your will to live.
We both know how this ends; I’m on my knees screaming, “SAVE ME
Free me from this hell!”
I don’t wanna stay here (I’m ready to leave)
I really hate to ask this (I’m ready to go)
Just close your eyes and squeeze; do this for me.
There’s more to life than this. THERE’S MORE TO LIFE THAN...
My heart is yours. It’s yours, and it has...
To Be Honest
I’m running out of reasons to try. But I know what I want, and how hard I’m willing to work, and how much I’m willing to suffer until I get there.
I’m terrified. I’m so hopeful I could die. But what’s life without a risk? Especially if it’s as worth it as I know it could be.
Chelsea Smile
We all carry these things inside that no one else can see.
They hold us down like anchors. They drown us out at sea.
I look up to the sky. There may be nothing there to see.
But if I don’t believe in him, why would he believe in me?
-BMTH
I Am The Artist
The grave I dug you is calling my name
Til death do we part, I’m dying of shame
The ground becomes canvas as blood hits the dirt
You take all the blame when I’ve caused the hurt
(I am the artist!)
In my greatest work you’ll be depicted
The perfect example of why I’ve existed
But my colors are dull as they tint misery
This hole of regret is screaming for me
(I am the artist!)
...
